California Summit on Domestic Violence and Strangulation

What a full circle moment — taking the pain I experienced and turning into true purpose.

This was my first speaking opportunity of the year, and it was the first time Bruce and I got to meet in person. After everything we’ve both been through, after telling these stories separately—to stand in the same room and share it together… that was a lot. In the best way possible.

Because what we're talking about isn't just domestic violence -- it's officer-involved/police-perpetrated domestic violence (OIDV, PPDV).

And that’s a completely different situation. There’s power behind it. There’s influence. There’s this built-in layer of protection that makes it way harder to call out, and way easier to get away with.

And that’s the problem.

The signs are there. They were there for me. The control, the isolation, the escalation—it doesn’t just happen overnight. But a lot of the time, it gets missed… or brushed off… or explained away.

And we’ve seen what happens when that keeps happening.

The system has gaps. And in these situations, those gaps are dangerous. When officers aren’t held accountable by their own, when things don’t get fully investigated, when the badge is trusted more than the person speaking up—that’s where people fall through the cracks.

So yeah, talking about it is important. But actually doing something about it is what matters. Law enforcement needs to hold each other accountable. Period. Not protect, not cover, not ignore—actually step in.

And we need to believe survivors. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it doesn’t fit the narrative people want to believe.

Because this isn’t rare. It’s just not talked about enough.

And one thing I’m going to do — is talk about it.

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